Look, some of my favorite people are local television weather anchors. So, don’t take this personally, y’all. I’m just establishing some facts here.
Lately, so many weather reporters, folks I do not know, have been irritating me. Instead of just telling me what the weather will be, they tell me what to do. They say things like, “Wear a jacket tonight,” or “You will need to wear ‘layers’ today,” or “Wear your gloves at the football game.”
I don’t tune into weathercasts to hear my mother yell at me again!
Well, yesterday morning, the day before my son and his wife’s wedding anniversary, I was kind of excited about them. You know, about how happy they are and about their loving future together. My morning was joyful for a while.
Then it happened. A local weather person said to me on the morning news, “It’s prom night in Charlotte, but you should take an umbrella.”
Okay, so the bumble shoot thing upset me some, but suddenly the mention of “prom night” really did a number on my joy. It brought back some terribly disturbing stuff.
First of all, when I was a junior in a Jacksonville, Florida high school, we got to vote on the band we wanted to play for the prom. What the hell? I didn’t care. I was a dweeb in high school. So I voted for Mouse And The Boys In Brass. My vote helped keep my classmates from hearing The Lynyrd Skynyrd Band. I think the entire Skynyrd band went to my school! That vote has always bothered me.
Look, as a senior, I wanted nothing to do with any prom. So, I refused to go. I said to my high school sweetheart, “Look, you’re only a junior. I don’t want to go to the prom without you!” She replied, “It’s a ‘junior-senior’ prom, Dave.”
Damn! I was nailed on that one! So I faulted back to the dweeb I was and simply told her that I had no interest in the prom. Even though she really wanted to go.
So, on our prom night, we both ended up sitting on her sofa with her large Irish setter, watching “Carol Burnett” or something. Yet another prom bummer that I regret to this day!
But here’s my message to that weather person who created such an emotional stir-up for me: “Even if I were still young enough to go to a Charlotte prom, I don’t OWN a damned umbrella!”