FROM JUNE 13, 2011
What can be more bizarre than a United States congressman named Weiner, sending photos of his… well… you know…. over the Internet?
Yeah, the toe-tapping Republican senator was bizarre, but his name wasn’t Stahl, or Tap or anything like that. And, yeah, one of our presidents did receive oral favors and such from a White House intern, but his name wasn’t Hav-A-Tampa. So that wasn’t all that bizarre.
But “Weiner?” This is material from a really bad 1960’s B-movie. I guess it would have had to be a really bad Science Fiction/Porn B-movie since the Internet and Tweeter weren’t even concepts in the ‘60s. And we still had community standards back then, I guess.
But you know, it’s a well-known fact that Al Gore invented the Internet. Do you suppose this whole Weiner thing is a vast left-wing Democratic conspiracy of sorts? Just why did Al Gore do what he did? Why did Weiner choose an Al Gore invention to deliver such provocative photos? Did Gore know what Weiner had in mind when he invented it? And what’s up with the former vice president’s name? Did he know when he invented the Internet that his buddy’s body part photos would be distributed to folks who might find them a bit gory?
And is it true that Weiner nicknamed his – well…you know… thing – “Al?” These are important questions, y’all. Bizarre? Yes. But important.
Man, they’ve got to hold hearings on this stuff. We need answers. Besides. We’re all going to be stuck at home this summer, fighting global warming heat waves, waiting for our unemployment checks and conserving $5-a-gallon gasoline. And Oprah’s off the air. Give us something, y’all! I would be willing to watch John Boehner cry every morning for six months if I can just tune in every day this summer to the “Weiner Hearings.”
Please. For the love of God, Congress. Give us this.