These days are quite strange. They always have been, I guess. But we have mostly always woken up to greet the shining of the sun through the lush green leaves in our yard or in the yard next door or in the park across the street. When there are no leaves, we simply cherish our moments with leafless blue skies and sunshine. And greet our mornings with as much joy as we can muster without greenery.
When we wake up to dark skies, wind, rain and thunder, we ask God, “Why and how the hell did I end up with Dorothy in Kansas?” It could be worse. Some of us wake up with nothing but dark and stormy skies. Even on sunny days.
Lately, I think, we are mostly all asking ourselves, “What the hell is going on? Where the hell I am going? What or who will guide me? What will take me to that place where I need to be, and how the hell will I know when I arrive there? My God, when will the sun filled storms just go away?”
I don’t want those questions answered. Not yet. When I go to my grave, I want to go there with unanswered ones. That, I think, will prove to God that I tried my damnedest until my last breath. Even through the stormy days.
But what do we do until death? Do we accept the sun filled gray and stormy skies everyday? Or do we try our damnedest to break free of self doubt and despair? That’s a tough question. And the fulfillment of the correct answers is even tougher. To be sure.
I have been out of circulation lately. Human contact has been drastically reduced for the past eleven months. Strangers I meet are never able to see my smile, these days. And theirs are invisible as well. Even when our eyes show each of our smiles, accurate verbal communication is close to impossible.
Many longtime friends are somewhat sequestered. Others have been so focused on simply surviving that even phone contact with them has been impossible. My best friend is one of those. I hate that. My sun filled days are darker than they have ever been. And I have had many dark ones in my long life. I think y’all understand.
But, you know what? It’s up to each of us to somehow sift through the darkness and find the sunshine. Even on dark days, the sun is shining in our hearts. That’s where leaves are green and skies are blue. It’s up to each of us to find and cherish those peaceful and joyful images, thoughts and beliefs. And to reject the notions of self doubt and despair.
It’s tough. But if we one day want to find ourselves where we need to be, well…it will happen.
Greeting God’s sunshine, blue skies and green leaves.
Even through dark, leafless and stormy skies. It will happen.