THE LUNAR REPORT – “OLDER WORKERS’ WEEK” November 17, 2009

There is nothing going on at Moon Productions. Absolutely nothing. And this is good. Usually when there’s nothing to do, I’m able to get in some practice with the Pots and Pans Band at the Senior Center. Not this time, so I am going to use this opportunity to discuss the “National Employ Older Workers Week.” Understand that I just barely fit into the category of “older worker.” It is defined as workers age 55 and up. I am close – real close – to not belonging

Now, having said that, let’s discuss, my abilities as an “older worker.” You would think that cataracts would be devastating to anyone working in the video production field. If I close one eye and squint, I can see perfectly.

Lifting the heavy equipment involved in production work has been a problem for me since I was 18, so being older is of no consequence. Besides, the arthritis only flares up when it’s raining.

Have any of you heard the radio commercial about inflamed prostates in men? It starts out with the announcer saying something like, “Do you wake up to urinate?” Well, thankfully, I DO wake up to urinate. And even if I do happen to sleep through urination, my Depends takes care of everything.

I do not repeat myself. I remember everything.

I can hear perfectly. In fact, just the other day, I told the Meals-On-Wheels lady that the ringing in my left ear is as clear as a bell.

As far as appearance goes, I may not be up on the latest fashions, but my Gold Cups and sandals are always clean.

My hair is looking a bit whiter these days, but if I still had teeth, I think I’d be distinguished!

I manage just fine with the pacemaker. I do, however, miss Redenbacher’s microwavable corn. Jiffy Pop sucks.

I do not repeat myself. I remember everything.

So you Gen-Xers out there, the ones of you with hiring power, hire me this week. Remember that you, too, will one day be an older worker. There is such a thing as karma. And could you hurry up? I am behind in my AARP dues!